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United States
"This country is full of nitwits and assholes, you ever notice that? .....oh my goodness..... Nitwits, assholes, fuck ups, scumbags, jerk offs, and dipshits, and they all vote" - George Carlin expressing his patriotism''' ' '''The United States of America (or 'Murica, as rednecks call it)' is a federal democratic republic consisting of administrative divisions called states and unincorporated territories, which are not yet either set free or taken into the Union because of political bullshit. North of Mexico and south of Canada, the USA is located directly in the center of North America. The United States is currently the world's largest superpower, though Red China and India are catching up. As of 2018, the US ranked 13th on the human-development index, one place after its Northern neighbor, Canada.[1] When adjusted for wealth inequality, however, the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave plummets to 19th place while the "Great White North" slips to 11th.[2] America also happens to be the country where the Drunken Peasants inhabit, making it the best fucking nation on the planet. History: Redneck Edition In dah beginnin', Gawd created 'Murica an' he seen that it were good. But low! Gawd dun beheld that it wuz full of democratic savages not properly exploitin' the land. So God created his best creation yet; Good, clean, proper, Gawd-fearin', Republican white folk an' them same white folk built jet-skis to cross o'er the oceans blue to nab 'Murica from dem savages. But don't feel too bad for them Injuns, we gave them casinos and Johnnie Walker Black, its all a savage requires. But when the king of England seen how awesome 'Murica was, he got his titties in a twist n' sent his Pussy army to try n' take it. A'Murica defeated them losers before supper and that's how we won the War of 1812 Civil War. Some years later, Abraham Lincoln n' George Washington was sittin' around smokin' dare' pipes n' playin' Xbox, not 360 now; they ain't had no Xbox 360 yet, this is the past, stupid! When alluva sudden, a bunch of dem Jewz show up, tryin' to sell us some of them bad corn pones: "These corn pones are fresh" '- Say them Jews' "YOU LYIN'! " - ''Say Abraham ''"These corn pones were just made yesterday" '- Say them Jews' "YOU LYIN'! " - ''Say George ''"These corn pones were made with quality ingredients" '- Say them Jews' "YOU LYIN'! " - ''Say Abraham ''"These corn pones are delicious" '- Say them Jews' "YOU LYIN'! " - ''Say George And George Washington cast them Jews out of 'Murica for these Four Lies! This became known as the Fourth of Jew-Lie, later shortened to the 4th of July where we eat pork hot dog weiners to spot them Jews! Then come World War I when 'Murica had to fight them rest of dem world....... we won! Then come World War II, we won again! We defeated them Nazis, led by Jim Hitler n' Michael Moore who want to take our guns away; Nationalist SOCIALIST Party! Then come them 1960s, the fall of 'Murica. Alluva sudden, all them dirty people, once content to be ruled as slaves, started yammerin' on about how they got rights too. We tell them: ''"Silly minorities, rights are for whites!". But the filthy liberal scourge swept across the land, ruinin' everythang. That were when Ronald Reagan shoo up with his Vice President, Chuck Norris to kick some of dem hippy ass. But it were too late, cuz they already instilled Barack Hussein Hitler Bin Ladin Obama as president who then begun the FEMA camp white genocide where us good, clean, proper, Gawd-fearin', Republican white folk was nearly killed off. But thankfully Obummer don't understand the power of real 'Muricans; one day them South will rise again. Reagan will come back wearin' a cape of gold n' holdin' in his hands a ornate scepter of fate which he will use to defeat Obamma an' his army of hippies an' them freedom of good, clean, proper, Gawd-fearin', Republican white folk to persecute everyone else will be restored. GOD BLESS 'MURICA! The Four Regions of the United States The United States of America is divided into four major regions - the Northeast, the South, the Midwest, and the West. Each has it's own unique history and culture going back centuries. Northeast Almost all of the inhabitants in this region reside in New York City, the self-proclaimed center of everything; cultural center of the world, commercial center of the world, financial center of the world. If New Yorkers could have it their way, their city would also be considered the epicenter of everything in the known universe. A word of warning to the inquisitive traveler: questioning the integrity of New York City's self-righteous and artificially-sweetened natives will likely get you shot. New York City and Washington D.C. is also where all the evil greedy corporate executives and corrupt government officials come together and plan new ways of fucking over everyone else. South The American South, also known as the Confederacy or the Bible belt, is a paradise for bigots, cousin fuckers, and devout fundamentalist Bible thumpers. The South consistently votes Republican and has some of the most poor, crime-ridden, impoverished states in the country, namely Mississippi. Midwest With the exception of a few cities around the Great Lake states, the Midwest is easily the most bland part of the country. There are a lot of farms, vacant wastelands, and run down factories there. West California dominates this region of America so much that the other states aren't even worth mentioning. The West coast is known for beautiful scenery, beautiful people, and beautiful weather. Like those from the Northeast, the West coast are generally more liberal-leaning, but unlike New Yorkers, they aren't stuck up assholes. The West Coast is easily the best part of the country. List of All 50 American States # Alabama # Alaska # Arizona # Arkansas # California # Colorado # Connecticut # Delaware # Florida # Georgia # Hawaii # Idaho # Illinois # Indiana # Iowa # Kansas # Kentucky # Louisiana # Maine # Maryland # Massachusetts # Michigan # Minnesota # Mississippi # Missouri # Montana # Nebraska # Nevada # New Hampshire # New Jersey # New Mexico # New York # North Carolina # North Dakota # Ohio # Oklahoma # Oregon # Pennsylvania # Rhode Island # South Carolina # South Dakota # Tennessee # Texas # Utah # Vermont # Virginia # Washington # West Virginia # Wisconsin # Wyoming References # https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_Development_Index # http://hdr.undp.org/sites/default/files/2016_human_development_report.pdf - 2016 United Nations report Disclaimer Offended? -> Disclaimer Page Category:Countries Category:Americans